you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
