lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
