These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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