he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
