I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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