You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
