we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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