how can u be prego again
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
