Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
