You can't motorboat a personality
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
