I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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