i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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