All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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