MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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