conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
