hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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