so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So apparently I’m into choking now
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