I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i believe in u and ur pee
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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