Princesses don't give blow jobs
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
