They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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