He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
