i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
