My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
