im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
