Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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