Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
3pm strippers are depressing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
