Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
