I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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