it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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