How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Farmville is her only friend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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