if i can run in heels then i can drive
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Come see our sink grown plant.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
