Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
