oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize