votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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