Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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