Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
