I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His hands were made for my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
