I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
