Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
