can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
