So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
