This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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