You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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