there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
