Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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