feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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