It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We need to get me chipped asap
how drunk are you?
Several
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
