Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
