Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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