Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
